Saturday, May 14, 2005

The Dark Side

A while back I posted about some dreams and aspirations. I just feel the need to focus on some demons. These demons do very well at holding me back and keeping me from being the cool Mike I used to be.

Over the course of the next year, I'm going to focus on these demons. Some seem shallow but all are going to be pretty hard to overcome.

  • The supernova in which all of my interplanetary demons revolve around is my weight. I need to lose about 100 lbs. I did it once before. This just affects so many aspects of what I am socially and emotionally. Even society looks down on people that are overweight.
  • Confidence. I used to be so cocky, and not in a bad way. I was never arrogant. I just used to smile at the lusty looks I'd get from girls or that look of envy when a guy would look up at me wishing they could be as tall and charismatic as I was. I know that still seems shallow, but from someone who went from having that to getting looks of near disgust it's something that I have to overcome.
  • Organization. I believe I used to have an over compuslive disorder. I used to clean and clean and then reorganize everything. My house is so much messier than I've ever had it. What's worse is I don't even have the energy to do anything about it.
  • Friends. I love my friends, don't get me wrong. I just don't like being that guy who people hang out with just because people don't have anything better to do. Yes, again, it's shallow, but I like feeling important. Back to the weight issue. I think it's pity. I really do. Poor fat Mike. It's sad how that can control everything about my outlook.
  • Style. I used to look cool. I had such good fashion sense. I miss the days when I could take a couple hundred, and go buy a pair of Doc Martens or a good pair of Levi's and a nice button down shirt. Now b/c I bulge out of my clothes, I look like a Wal Mart reject.
  • Dreams. How can I accomplish everything I posted about recently with these things holding me back? It's time I did something about it.
I'll post my plan for making major improvements in my life. I want to be a better husband, friend, and just a better person. I'm not feeling better about anything right now. And it's time to find out who my real friends are, and who's quietly stepping all over me.