The Lewis Show

From the home office in Lenexa, Kansas, tonight's top 10 list: 10 Things Men Know About Women 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. They have boobs.

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp. 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook. 8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him. 9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey

Since I have basically been only recapping my weekends I thought I would do that to an extent, but also share my plans for this summer and fall. Fear not, it will not be too intimate or invasive. I took Janine out last night to celebrate her promotion to lab manager. She's going to be working in the Ashland store, which is a bit of a commute, but I'm positive she's going to do a fantastic job. Congrats, baby! We went to see X3 last night which she enjoyed. It made more sense to me to watch it a second time around also. We had dinner at Denny's of all places too. I just had a big time hankering for pancakes and eggs and bacon and sausage and you get the point. Labor Day weekend, bitches! The Lewis Show radio network will return with a weekend long live broadcast. For now I'm just going to return to my old Lynchburg Underground format of playing on the weekends with the plan to have 2 hours worth of live broadcasting. I will then take those 2 hours and put them into a

Insomnia is taking the best of me. I'm quite accustomed to having Janine in my arms as I drift off to meet the Sandman, but tonight, I'm at home so that she can focus on her schoolwork. Tomorrow she has a study session too with classmates, so I will be home again. Topaz misses me though and she is in need of a lot of attention. Saturday evening, Janine and I went to visit Tracy and meet some of her friends at her house. She has a really nice place and 3 adorable and entertaining dogs. Two of which are Bassett Hounds and are very fat and happy indeed. We then packed up the PT Cruiser and headed to Wonderland to see Rev. D Ray and The Shockers and Gojira-X. Both bands were amazing as always. It's a very infectuous sound and I can't wait for them to play around here again, and again, and again. We got out of there pretty late and went back home to crash. I think I'm still suffering from some sort of jet lag because my sleep schedule is all over the place. Sunday I spen

I had such a good time in Nebraska. Lincoln is a very nice, small town. It's definately a college town too. Even though most of the college kids are gone for the summer, the place was still packed with eager to party college kids. I got to the airport super early because Janine had to work that evening. I hung out at the airport for a couple hours, picked up a copy of The Broker by James Grisham (very good book, pick it up) and a magazine. I got some coffee and got everything organized as far as all my mail and everything that I had packed. I went to security about an hour before flight to get checked in. I had to take my shoes and belt off and I was randomly selected to get searched. After a refreshing frisking, I got dressed and headed to my terminal. We took off on schedule and I went to my first connection. After getting lost in that terminal, I found my way to my next flight which was also on time. I forgot how much fun it is to fly, but I'm reminded of what a pain in the

Ok, I'm no CornHusker fan, but I will be spending the rest of the week in Lincoln, Nebraska. I'm going to a conference through work, and I'm excited to be flying again. I'm looking forward to meeting some people and having a good time. So look up in the sky and wave at me as I fly over. Yehaw!

Yeah, verbal diarrhea time! I really should be packing, but knowing me, I'll wait till late tomorrow night. Tuesday through Friday I will be in Lincoln, Nebraska for a work conference. I hear it's not the most exciting place in the world, but I should still have a good time. I checked Pollstar , but nothing is playing there until after I leave. I'm pretty sure I won't have time to go to metal shows while I'm there anyways. Today marks one month since I started going steady with Janine. I still remember it vividly. We checked out Hollywood cemetery, watched Silent Hill, and snogged in her brother's car for an hour. I'm very happy. Speaking of my girl, she was looking foxy as hell today. I was eating my fist all day trying to contain myself! No rest for the quasi-wicked! Saturday I'll be out all night enjoying Gorija-X and Rev. D-Ray and The Shockers. They're playing at Wonderland, so I'm hoping the place is jam packed! I look forward to seeing my

CNN.com - Moms-to-be avoid births on beastly day - Jun 6, 2006 It's just a date on a man made calender. This is not 6-6-6! Now go breed you tards.

IF GUYS WROTE COSMO COVER LINES "Sit Back, Relax, and I'll Do All the Work" 33 Things He Wants to Hear YEAST INFECTIONS (and Why You Should Never Mention Them to Your Man Ever, Ever Again) Male Mysteries--Solved! Why Rolling Over and Falling Asleep Means He Loves You, and Other Fascinating Facts Chick Flicks and why they can harm your man SHAPE UP TRICKS Lose weight by Lap Dancing! Why Sex is as good as an Apology CONFESSIONS OF A DESPERATE BOYFRIEND I held her purse for hours TEAM BATHROOMING BREAKTHROUGH! Research reveals it may be safe for women to go alone! 7 Good Reasons to forgive your guy for cheating (HINT 4 He was drunk!) Want to know how to look good naked? Take your clothes off! HEALTH WARNING: Blue Balls is a real condition IF YOU DENY HIM SEX, HE COULD DIE!! Must-Have Fall Fashion * Jeans That Make You Fell Hot on a Fat Day * Tops That Go See-Through When Guys Stare * Miniskirts That Boost Your Libido LEAVING THE SEAT UP--12 Secret Ways Guys Show They're

I'm have a real good weekend, thanks, Monica. Friday night, Janine picked me up from work and we grabbed supper from Red Lobster. She had never been before! I think she liked it ok. She's like me. Raised near the Chesapeake Bay, you're surrouded by local seafood places which are much, much better than going to a chain place. She did enjoy the cheddar buscuits and I as always enjoyed the shrimp. I think on the dates that I've been with her, that's all I've ordered. Even from the Cracker Barrell! We then went to see The Davinci Code. I liked the acting, but it just seemed to me to be this big jab at Christianity. I can see why the church is so mad about the movie going out, but they need to be. The church has done a lot, but it's failed a lot too. We then decided to venture downtown to hit up Wonderland. There weren't a lot of people there and both Janine and I are suffering from this super bout of cold and allergies, so we had a beer and went back to her

Your global resource for MySpace.com member obituaries. - MyDeathSpace.com I heard this on Elliott's morning radio show last week. I went through some of the obits, and it's kinda fascinating to see just what people leave behind these days, even myspace accounts. This is a good resource though. It's worth checking out. I wonder what kind of comments I would get on my account if something happened to me...in 70 years!

Your Bumper Sticker Should Be I've made smarter things than you by eating fiber What Bumper Sticker Should Be On Your Car?

I moved to Richmond in September, full of aprehension. Many of you by keeping up with my story know full well the ups and downs that I have faced. I was very fortunate to land a great job in October. After a lot of rejection, and fear for losing everything I started my new job with that same fear I had when I moved to this city. I was crammed in an office with Kelly Stern. He is such a kind, patient, gentle soul. He showed me around and I got comfortable working there really fast. I smile when I remember one of my coworkers talking about us giggling in there all day. I had fun those days. It did not take me long to find out that Kelly was gay. He mentioned living with Jeff, and I put two and two together fast. Kelly listened to my troubles, and gave me sound, firm advice. He has been so helpful to me also by taking me home from work almost every day and taking me by the grocery store to get supplies. I would not still be here if it was not for his help. I cannot think of a way to