Saturday, October 9, 2010

Who Am I?

I ask myself this question from time to time. Obviously far less than most people, but I always thought if I did too many inner inspections, I would develop some kind of crisis of identify. I know I'm simple, I was raised simple, what I demand in life are no where near complex.

Who am I now then? I'm engaged, I'm a boyfriend,  I'm a son, I'm a brother, I'm an uncle, I'm a case manager, I'm apparently easily approachable to some but utterly avoidable to others, I'm nice. I'm also uneducated...

Schooling never was my forte. Testing is the bane of my existence. For me learning something takes time, failure, repetition, and mastering. I cannot let this fear of failure though continue to dominate my decisions. I am doing back to school. Janine who is my guiding light has consistently insisted that I look into going back into school to better myself.

Yesterday, I heard her.

Don't expect me to become ivy school educated, I doubt I'll do anything outside of community college, but my goal is to focus on the wheelhouse of my knowledge which is obviously, computing, tech, and teaching. I know I can do this, in fact, with any effort, it should have been done years ago. But I'm not going to beat myself up over what I failed to do, I'm going to push forward, and with some time, luck, patience, and a lot of hard work, I can make this happen. I hear it's not too late constantly.

Yesterday I really heard it.

Why am I posting this inner monologue? For encouragement. Don't let this horse stop, if he needs a push, by all means, push, dangle carrots, coax.