1. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
2. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
3. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
4. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
5. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
6. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
7. It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
8. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
9. Garbage would take itself out.
10. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps".
11. Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!".
12. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
13. St. Patrick's Day would be celebrated every month.
14. The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
15. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
16. Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
17. Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.